Now... you might find the title weird and crappy, it’s but a fact. Funny part is not even my dog loves me! Hah! I realized it just yesterday. Let me explain.
I reached home from office. All the way the only thought that was lingering in my head was that of my sweet puppy. I was thinking how he would jump onto us once we are home, how he would lick our hands, how he would carry his red ball.. come to me an ask me to play with him... But but and but life is not as we expect it to be.
The moment the bike parked in front of the gate, I jumped over it and waited for my spouse to hand over the house keys. He took quite a hell lot of time. I got little agitated though I didn't show. Finally he pulled out the keys from the bag. I grabbed them and ran for the gate.
I opened it and made little extra noise so that it would alert puppy. He generally starts barking the moment our bike halts at the gate. But today he didn't. So I assumed he must be in deep sleep.
I turned the keys and unlocked the doors. I couldn't wait to see my puppy. I popped my head into the room. And here he was. He started jumping the moment he heard my voice( thats what I thought). But to my disgrace, he was only looking out behind me. He was wanting to greet my spouse and not me. I was a little sad. But I thought no issues.
We did our usual routine work. But puppy was nowhere near me. He was just jumping around my spouse. I got jealous or maybe annoyed. I forced him to come to me. But he ran away. Now this was enough. I was so shocked at puppy's behavior. I realized, he didn't love me. He would come to me only when there is no other choice. I was only the optional love in his life. I was so shattered. I cried. Its just the case with me. I am just an option in everybody's life. There lives can go on even without me. This feeling got over me. You might be thinking that I am overreacting. But thats not true. Let me tell you what else makes me feel so...
It’s been a couple of weeks or more when someone was commenting on my attitude. Her complaint was that I always keep smiling! Now man, if you are jealous of my happiness then I have just two words for you – “F*** O**!”
Just a few days back, one of the people very close to me gave me the shock of my life. That person commented that I am pretentious. I and pretend??? I had always been what I was - in and out. I never tried to be something or someone that I was not. Anyone who knows me for ages knows this very well. If I had known how to pretend than there would had been too many people who would have loved me. I could have impressed many more! But my nature – or rather people’s nature. You just can’t satisfy all.
But as with me always, I cried. I cried all night. But did it have any effect on anyone? Does my puppy even know that I was sad because of him? Thus those people around me know?? Haaahh!!
For all the people who want me to live my life in their terms and conditions let me tell you – I won’t. People need to change when they have some negative qualities. I don’t think me smiling or me loving my pet or for that matter my friends and family is a curse. Not a quality which I need to mend! If you are unhappy that I am happy, then I am not at all sorry to say that it’s your problem. And not mine. You need to change. If you think I pretend than you can thread on a different path. I never forced you to follow me! Let me live in peace. I would lead a happy life without all these crap and so would you!
Love me or not, I would still live and live life with my own terms and conditions. If you don’t like my ways then you are free to lead you own life. I would like to mention my best friend “Anku” here. It’s all because of the promise I made to her one day, that I am still standing tall and strong against this harsh world. And I would. I love you lots Anku.
Now that I have written it out, I am feeling all the same again. I am starting to smile again. I had my first morsel of food since yesterday. And anyone who feels low anytime... just remember there are many other people who are living just to see you smile. I too have a few. You too would. Love them and leave the rest. And as for my puppy, I know he still loves me. And I love him too. Cheers!
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