Parental Child abuse - physical and mental!
Was just talking with one of my best buddy.. She and me almost share similar thoughts on motherhood and life in general. We share almost all our problems, happiness, motherhood challenges, trifles with our parents, husband issues! Literally everything!
Today too, we started with our complaining episodes! She was over annoyed with her mother and interestingly, me too! Mom - seems like they are trying to rule our lives. Directly, or indirectly; they try to impose their thoughts on us. Whatever we do is always wrong way of doing it. Why? I have been married for 7 years now and my friend for a decade and still this undue interference of the moms in our respective lives is just too much! Or is it?
Today she told me her mom just got off the dining table and left her home! Her annoyance - was it right on her mother's part to act so? While discussing all the emotional meltdowns and silent treatments that our moms treat us with, we bumped into the very fragile topic of child abuse. Child abuse - yes, you got it right!
As a child, I still remember by father hitting my brother, black and blue in the veranda or inside the room. His fault? He was weak in Mathematics! Every day my father would say "Learn something from your sister" (meaning me). Why that beatings? Why the comparison?
Let me tell you something about my brother. He is very soft spoken. And loving. As a younger sibling I remember, he used to shower me with love. But somewhere he might have slowly developed an enmity towards me. Enmity not because he disliked me. But because of all the taunts and comparisons my parents used to shower him with. After all he was just a little boy! The feeling was not innate. But forced into!
The numerous times he had been beaten up and scolded, did he really deserve it? I do not think so. He was brilliant. He spent much lesser time studying and still managed to get all into his head! Much lesser time than I needed. I used to take hours! His artistic skills were awesome too. We both used to attend the same art school and his drawings were so nice while mine were rubbish! Over time I improved though, but he, because of no praise showered on him, somewhere lost all interest and gave up drawing too! He also had a very nice voice. But did my parents encourage his singing? No, they didn't!
All that was done was his comparison with me and all other cousins of ours for his sheer mathematical skills. Obviously it must have acted as a slow poison for him. He revolted. He used to run away from school and go for movies. Result - he was beaten up more. He defied more. He flunked his 12th! This time instead of opening their eyes and seeing what the real problem was, my father decided to take him to Delhi and tried to get him admitted in some college there! Really, was that the solution?
Over the years, my mom had always shouted at us. I still remember sleeping in the living room because of her nonsensical obscene comments that she used to blurt out in a fate of rage! I of course was a viewer of all the physical abuse my brother faced. As a result, I too was emotionally abused. We both lacked social skills. Confidence, I developed some, my brother none! He is not to be blamed of course. No one showed confidence on him, ever!
Now, my mother still complains of how my brother stays indoors. Who is responsible? Haven't you forced these traits into him? And she now explains how I should manage my child! My child - I promised myself that I would never be the parent that my parents were. I would not hit them, or degrade them in any way, stand by them always, help them, pamper them with love and affection. And that's exactly what I am doing. My mom says I spoiling my kid. I feel its okay for a child to feel loved, to feel wanted. Its not that I do not scold her. I do. I show her the difference between right and wrong. But I don't emotionally abuse her. Physical abuse is just out of question!
I am trying - trying to be a better mom each single day. Not that I'm successful always. I tend to lose my temper. But I bounce back with much more love. I am not sure how our relationship would turn out later in life, but I'm at least trying to lay a strong foundation. I am not the best mom but I am a striving one. And same is my friend. We both have similar ways of pampering our kids - making them do things they love, giving them choices in what they wear and what they eat! We wake them up with lots of loving kisses! But our moms do not agree with our ways of motherhood. Are we really wrong? Only time would tell. But for now, let us spoil our kids.
Fortunately for now, our kids are also responding well with love. Abuse during childhood is completely not acceptable. How can parents be such heartless to abuse their children? I and my brother, both have had been abused. My friend and her brother too! I am just praying our kids look back into their childhood and think how wonderful time they have spent with their parents! And they know how much their parents love them!
Today too, we started with our complaining episodes! She was over annoyed with her mother and interestingly, me too! Mom - seems like they are trying to rule our lives. Directly, or indirectly; they try to impose their thoughts on us. Whatever we do is always wrong way of doing it. Why? I have been married for 7 years now and my friend for a decade and still this undue interference of the moms in our respective lives is just too much! Or is it?
Today she told me her mom just got off the dining table and left her home! Her annoyance - was it right on her mother's part to act so? While discussing all the emotional meltdowns and silent treatments that our moms treat us with, we bumped into the very fragile topic of child abuse. Child abuse - yes, you got it right!
As a child, I still remember by father hitting my brother, black and blue in the veranda or inside the room. His fault? He was weak in Mathematics! Every day my father would say "Learn something from your sister" (meaning me). Why that beatings? Why the comparison?
Let me tell you something about my brother. He is very soft spoken. And loving. As a younger sibling I remember, he used to shower me with love. But somewhere he might have slowly developed an enmity towards me. Enmity not because he disliked me. But because of all the taunts and comparisons my parents used to shower him with. After all he was just a little boy! The feeling was not innate. But forced into!
The numerous times he had been beaten up and scolded, did he really deserve it? I do not think so. He was brilliant. He spent much lesser time studying and still managed to get all into his head! Much lesser time than I needed. I used to take hours! His artistic skills were awesome too. We both used to attend the same art school and his drawings were so nice while mine were rubbish! Over time I improved though, but he, because of no praise showered on him, somewhere lost all interest and gave up drawing too! He also had a very nice voice. But did my parents encourage his singing? No, they didn't!
All that was done was his comparison with me and all other cousins of ours for his sheer mathematical skills. Obviously it must have acted as a slow poison for him. He revolted. He used to run away from school and go for movies. Result - he was beaten up more. He defied more. He flunked his 12th! This time instead of opening their eyes and seeing what the real problem was, my father decided to take him to Delhi and tried to get him admitted in some college there! Really, was that the solution?
Over the years, my mom had always shouted at us. I still remember sleeping in the living room because of her nonsensical obscene comments that she used to blurt out in a fate of rage! I of course was a viewer of all the physical abuse my brother faced. As a result, I too was emotionally abused. We both lacked social skills. Confidence, I developed some, my brother none! He is not to be blamed of course. No one showed confidence on him, ever!
Now, my mother still complains of how my brother stays indoors. Who is responsible? Haven't you forced these traits into him? And she now explains how I should manage my child! My child - I promised myself that I would never be the parent that my parents were. I would not hit them, or degrade them in any way, stand by them always, help them, pamper them with love and affection. And that's exactly what I am doing. My mom says I spoiling my kid. I feel its okay for a child to feel loved, to feel wanted. Its not that I do not scold her. I do. I show her the difference between right and wrong. But I don't emotionally abuse her. Physical abuse is just out of question!
I am trying - trying to be a better mom each single day. Not that I'm successful always. I tend to lose my temper. But I bounce back with much more love. I am not sure how our relationship would turn out later in life, but I'm at least trying to lay a strong foundation. I am not the best mom but I am a striving one. And same is my friend. We both have similar ways of pampering our kids - making them do things they love, giving them choices in what they wear and what they eat! We wake them up with lots of loving kisses! But our moms do not agree with our ways of motherhood. Are we really wrong? Only time would tell. But for now, let us spoil our kids.
Fortunately for now, our kids are also responding well with love. Abuse during childhood is completely not acceptable. How can parents be such heartless to abuse their children? I and my brother, both have had been abused. My friend and her brother too! I am just praying our kids look back into their childhood and think how wonderful time they have spent with their parents! And they know how much their parents love them!
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